After a week of below-freezing temperatures thanks to the latest "polar vortex", when it barely rose above 20 degrees for days, I was greeted on this late November morning with an unexpected gift... an unseasonably warm, positively balmy day. The National Weather Service had forecast it so it wasn't completely unexpected but I was struck nonetheless when I stepped outside not long after dawn.
The warm breeze filled the air with the sweet, fresh scent of grass, wet from an overnight rain. The sun was shining brightly as ragged and tattered remnants of rain clouds raced low and furiously across the sky like they had somewhere important to be and were already horribly late. On my way to work, I frequently curse the fact that my daily commute often has me driving into the rising or setting sun, especially at this time of year when the sun is low in the sky. But I didn't mind it today. With the speeding clouds outpacing me as I drove along, I watched the splendorous play of light and shadow rolling over the sprawling countryside of recently harvested fields and lush green grass not yet gone brown and dormant for the coming winter. Occasionally the sun illuminated the wet road in such a way that it appeared as a golden ribbon unwinding before me.
But for all of that, the unexpected blessing I received today was not the warmth, the sun or the rain... It was the gift of a momentary feeling of peace. It is something I often find very elusive and in short supply at this time of year, when darkness reigns over light.
It took me years to realize that I suffer from seasonal depression. When everyone around me is reveling in the glorious spectacle of Autumn, my only thoughts are of the waning hours of daylight and the colder weather ahead. In the midst of this frenetic season, I frequently find myself stressed beyond belief, overwhelmed by obligations at work and home, struggling to decide where to turn first and wondering how and when it will all get done. Moving to a milder clime has helped me to better deal with this annual challenge. Making an effort to celebrate Yule, the Winter Solstice has also helped. It's the literal and proverbial light at the end of my long, dark tunnel.
So perhaps that is why the bright sun, the dark racing clouds and the battle between shadows and light so captured my attention today. It reminded me of my own struggle caught between dark and light and helped me move beyond it for a little while.
But even as I rejoiced at this unanticipated offering, I knew it was only a brief respite. Obligations still demand attention. The days continue to wane, at least for a few more weeks or so. The warm breeze will quickly surrender to the next cold blast of winter; snow is already forecast the day after tomorrow. Like the constantly shifting weather, my fleeting feeling of peace is both ephemeral and eternal, ever changing and elusory yet still renewing. It's easy to lose sight of that at times and I am grateful for today's reminder to pause, to take a deep breath and to simply...be.
And perhaps at the end of the day, that is the most precious gift of all.
